Right from the beginning, there was nothing typical about
this boy's life. I would receive
the warning from my doctor that I should by no means even consider
delivering him in a typical manner. The
doctor was looking at a sonogram of the boy.
His computer had templates to measure the size of this highly
anticipated first born. The templates
maxed out at 12 lbs. The ring that
rested like a halo on the child's head was not even big enough to fully
encircle the glowing white cranium on the monitor. If I chose to attempt to deliver naturally I might face hours of unfathomable pain, only to be followed by an emergency
C-section. Other options included having
to break the cherished son's collar bone to get him out, or the equally
attractive extra episiotomies.
In a military hospital, on an island in the middle of the south china
sea, these options sounded even less appealing. I opted for the planned C-section, 7:00 a.m. the following morning.As was the case with many C-Section babies the baby boy had to spend time being monitored for any breathing difficulties that might result from not squeezing through the birth canal and having the fluid forced from his lungs. He looked ridiculous in the NICU; at 11lbs 1oz he was three times the size of most of the babies residing there. After a couple of hours, he was given a clean bill of health and allowed to accompany me to my room. There he enjoyed a long line of hospital staff visitors simply longing to take a peek at the behemoth child. It wouldn't be the last time this boy would demand that the world sit up and take notice. As proud parents of this extraordinary child, it was hard to imagine that anything could possibly keep our dreams for him from coming true; after all, he was everything one could hope for in a newborn. Big, hardy, and vigorous.
This portion of the back story feels important because I think we all have a tendency to believe that a child that would experience developmental, emotional or psychological problems in the future would have warning signs that parents would pick up on. That they would understand that dreaming for this child could only lead to heartbreak and that a wiser more stayed response would be called for. My point is this, we dreamed for our son, we looked at him with the same awe and wonder that all parents do with their first born, and imagined what his life might look like with stars in our eyes. It is what makes the question of God's fairness flicker to life like a neon sign in my brain. It is my desire and hope that this blog resolves for me, as a mother, and for others reading this the questions of, "Who is this God that allows dreams to be dashed and trains to obliterate homes? Can he be trusted?"
“Rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's suffering”. 1 Peter 4:13
ReplyDeleteI think that is hard for us in our American culture we buy into the ideas of "dreams" and that if we do everything just right it will all be perfect, but anyone can tell you and the Bible tells us it doesn’t work that way and it can be painful. This subject has come up in the last month a lot in my devotions and in my small group.
We talked about the very poor and persecuted Christians in Third World Countries and how they rejoice and find it like a badge of honor to suffer in any form knowing they are sharing in Christ’s sufferings. It can be persecution, illness it does not matter. For some it seems like they want to suffer because of the rewards in heaven so different from our cultural perspective. The way my friend described this I cannot imagine myself wanting to suffer like they do and be filled with joy through so much pain. In the small stuff I can manage and have with some big stuff, but I ponder if I could in areas I do not want to even imagine. They also see more healings then we do, which gives me a lot to ponder. I guess it comes down to, “Your will not my own Lord whatever comes”. Could you hear the gulp in my throat and sense the butterflies in my stomach with that statement.
When you think about how Christ up on that cross took upon him all the sin and the consequences of that sin past, present and future for our sakes then when we are suffering we share that with him it can give a different perspective and comfort. I think we forget that diseases, illnesses and natural disasters are part of the fall brought on by man’s first sin. A lot of the Apostles talked about suffering and we are to rejoice in it and yet I feel like me and so many of my brother’s and sister’s in Christ fight this and question it. Oh to have the faith they did Lord keep sanctifying us until we have full peace in this.
From my Devotion Yesterday: Daily Thoughts for Disciples by Oswald Chambers Feb 10th
If we are going to be used by God, He will take us through a multitude of experiences that are not meant for us at all, but meant to make us useful in His hands. There are things we go through which are unexplainable on any other line, and the nearer we get to God the more inexplicable the way seems. It is only on looking back and by getting an explanation from God’s Word that we understand His dealings with us.
Not only does God waste His saints according to the judgments of society, He seems to bruise them most mercilessly. You say, “But it could never be God’s will to bruise me”: if it pleased the Lord to bruise His own Son, why should He not bruise you? To choose suffering is a disease; but to choose God’s will even though it means suffering is to suffer as Jesus did-“according to the will of God.”
In the Bible it is never the idealizing of the suffer that is brought out, but the glorifying of God. God always serves Himself out of the saint’s personal experience of suffering.
Walking this journey of learning with you through our suffering,
Janet
Blessed at your company...and for your words, and oswald's..."inexplicable" is a great word.
DeleteI love your voice. This story matters. Keep going.
ReplyDeleteFuel in my tank! Go, go, go.
ReplyDelete