Empathy…the ability to feel compassion for what someone is experiencing without judgment. How good at that are you? I have to be honest…my natural response, the unchecked knee, has a “Get a grip, suck it up, try harder, you’ve got to be kidding me!” jerk reaction. I’m sure there are many factors that play into this, but I’m confident of this, I need to change.
Why is it that for many of us, our first thoughts are not of sorrow for the person suffering, but what they did to deserve their lot? As is the case with so many of our human foibles, I believe there is a self-protective motive behind it. We are always trying to reassure ourselves of our invulnerability to suffering…if the person did something to put themselves in the situation, well then, we will just be smarter, morally superior, or more disciplined and avoid it. Also, I think if we can find a way to blame the victim then we won’t have to feel so much sorrow, or ask the hard questions of God’s fairness.
I believe this tendency is exponentially worse when observing someone suffer from a mental health diagnosis or substance abuse.
What words come to mind when you see a homeless man; lazy, junkie, nut-job? Next time give yourself a moment to engage your heart, could it be he is; tortured, afraid, trapped?
This is a hard subject and has been discussed with a lot of Christian friends I know. You can have compassion for other's in sin and for suffering because of sin but that does not mean we can't call them out on it in love as we are to do with each other. I was talking to a friend who is one of many pastors at a large church and they have to deal with when do you cut people off when they seem to have no heart to really change and are just taking advantage of Christian charity and it may be hurting them more than helping them. I love Star Parkers story if you have never heard of her. An African American women on welfare for 7 years who thought to herself why should I get a job if I can get free money from government had abortions on tax payer money etc. Then she got to know some Christians and they told her what she was doing was not honoring to God and she made choices to turn her life around to honor God. Got a college degree and now is a political activist on welfare issues etc. We need God to help us discern how long to help and if at all and when to turn people over to Satan. That does not mean we do not have compassion or are cold-heart towards others we are just doing what God has called us to do in those circumstances and pray they learn from the suffering and turn to Him. I know it is a different story for the mentally ill, but I know God can give guidance in any situation in life when we ask. But I like something I heard once, whoever you meet, just remember they have a story and so many times it can have heart breaking circumstances that led them to where they are, but we need to have compassion and let them know there is a better way through our Lord Jesus Christ and he can change lives!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't call setting appropriate boundaries as cold-hearted...which is what I think you are referring to. For someone unwilling to seek life changing help, this is very WARM hearted. Mental Illness does make it more complicated. I think we always have to ask how much VOLITION versus COMPULSION is driving the person...and determine how responsible they are for their choices. Agree whole-heartedly with the need for compassion...we just have to pray about the form. Thanks, Kristy
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